Good Enough

As a new year kicks off, the fellows get the joy of experiencing the same thing I did one year ago: exploring their Enneagram types. Every Friday for a month or so, we watch at least one video from Suzanne Stabile, an Enneagram expert (and just a hoot!). Suzanne has studied under and served with Father Richard Rohr, written several books about the Enneagram, and regularly travels to share her wisdom and wit. She presents the Enneagram as a tool for self-exploration, self-compassion, and balanced self-giving.

The Enneagram consists of nine “numbers” or primary personality types: 

  • 1-The Perfectionist

  • 2-The Giver

  • 3-The Performer

  • 4-The Romantic

  • 5-The Observer

  • 6-The Questioner

  • 7-The Epicure

  • 8-The Boss

  • 9-The Mediator

When my cohort began exploring the Enneagram in August 2023, I was sure I knew my type: 4, The Romantic. Once I began learning more about the Enneagram from Suzanne, however, I realized that I simply could not be a 4. This personality is withdrawing (relying on themselves for their needs) and finds energy from tragedy. On the other hand, I am clearly in the dependent stance (relying on others for needs), and tragedy drains all my energy. I realized, much to my chagrin, that I am a 1, The Perfectionist. 

I didn’t want to be a 1! Ones are obsessive and controlling and annoying… At least, that was my perception. And it can certainly be true. Looking at myself honestly, there have been many times in my life that I have behaved in each of those undesirable ways. I have hurt others because I am stressed or struggling; I have been too hard on myself because I am not perfect.

The good news about every personality type, though, is that while we each exhibit undesirable characteristics when we’re under stress, we also have many positive characteristics when we are self-aware and growing. As a 1, I’m conscientious and caring and ethical. I work hard to do my best and make the world around me a better place.

Now, because I know more about my personality, I can recognize when my classic 1 resentment is building. I might not be able to get rid of it, but I can calm myself down and redirect my anger to more positive efforts. I am also better able to recognize what Stabile calls the 1’s “inner critic,” a constant internal voice telling us everything we’re doing wrong. More frequently, I remind myself that “good enough” is good enough. Sure, I still want everything to be perfect—but I also recognize that I am still enough even when things aren’t perfect.

The Enneagram has been invaluable in my journey to learn about who I am. I’m still learning, and I bet you are too. Maybe Suzanne Stabile and the Enneagram could be a good resource. If so, try checking out suzannestabile.com or reading any of her books. Regardless of your personality type or where you stand in your Enneagram journey, I hope you know that you are good enough, and you have so much complexity within you. Don’t define yourself by the bad parts and bad days—like me, like all of us, you’re still growing. Let that be good enough.

Olivia Brokaw